![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ruffer78's journalLog in Create a LiveJournal Account Learn more
| You are viewing ruffer78's journal Log in Create a LiveJournal Account Learn more | Explore LJ: Life Entertainment Music Culture News & Politics Technology |
|
|||||||
 |
|
|
|||||
|
Chris Busby's Journal  Well Ihavea few things that have changed since the last time that I have been on here.I for intence do not spend all of my time at my apartment at all. the reason for that being is cause I have a boyfriend now, not just a boyfriend, a person that I can connect with most of the time, while understanding where one is coming from. Having conversations that actually have some of intellegence in them.He makes me feel like I am special and the most important person in his life. It has been a long time since I felt that way. He makes me feel like i really want to include him into my future. I just have this feeling that he will be there for me for the rest of my life, and i will be there for him, I want to give him everything that I can possibly give him. Whether it is being there emotionaly for him,being there physically, and giving him advice and help him the the hard times, be there to help him laugh, and be there for the good times, making sure, that we always have money for us to go out and shop for assesories, and materialistic things. I want to love him in the best I know how, and that is by being monogomus, and honest, and real, being inspiration for him and just to make him feel that he is loved by a man that will be willing to do anything in the world for him by the beat of a heart. so there is a little about how I feel about him, we have been going out for a little over a month, now, It has been a very interesting first month for the both of us. I think I can say that I am finally starting to feel secure with my lifestly and who is in my life, and the job that I have. I just am getting more stable and and responsable. Lets see in the past month the thing that have happend to me are: I have been staying Mon,Wed, Fri, every other Sat, at Joe's house that is my partner,andthe other days at my apartment, but we always go where ever the other one goes. Joe got a new car for him self it is a red 96 VW Jetta. I was puled over in his car for speeding over 30 miles over the speed limit, and got arrested and put in the back of the cops car, but by some luck of my savor GOD I got released. I go to the club all of the time as well. I have a really kewl job with a company called DS-MAX and the our office is called Nu West Imports that is a distributor of DS-MAX.I am in trainee for management and then owner of my own office.I make good money though so I am happy. my Mother came into town to visit me from Arizona, and we had so much fun me andEricka andJoe and my mom we wetn every where togehter and out ot eat everywhere.I also took to the club Zand she meet all of my friends she had a lot of funshe loved it andall of my friends that she was kewl and beautiful.. Wellima going ot go cause I am missing out in all of the fun with my man andJohn and Anthony, and Alisan.. L ove you guys bye, Current mood:  high.Current music: Stevei Nicks Landslide. What am I going to do there is this guy that I am totally and positively in LOVE with. He knows but it seems like he doesn't. Or at least that he does not care. I never see him ever giving me a chnace in this lifetime. If he does then my life in this world will be complete and utterly perfect. But until then there is this confusion. Do Icarry on these strong strong felling that I have for him, or do I try and ignore them while hiding in beneath my skin. This is so dificult. Every time I see him the fellings just come out of me. but at least I can control them and be the best friend that I can be for him. Tonight I saw him at the club damn was this boy drunk. It was kind of cute in a way the way I see his exspression just make me want to smile. He is so adorable in the best possible way of course. I lent him some money to buy a drink cause Dustin thebartender would not give it to him cause he knew he just wanted the cup of ice to mix his alcohol in it. So I bought it, just to give him that and see his appreaciation on his face is all worth it to me of course I got lectured by several people by doing that for him. but you know what I say to them. Fuck it. let me do what I want to do. Oh and yes Charlie is still ignoring me. He used me what a not so nice man he is. i have feelings that get hurt very easy. tjhat is why I am such a jerk to every one i know. My roomates i think are getting feed up with my attitude. that is a fact. What is a gay guy to do in this perrdicament. oh well I will always have these fellings for him and they will never go away. hopefully he can see how much I care about him and how much i would do anything for him. but I guess in this day and age that is just not good enough. To have the perfect person for him. oh well. life goes on Or does it? So many question so little time. Oh well I think i will just go and have my coffe and think of the first time we ever hung out with each other at Denny's and drank a lot of coffe together. One of most foundest memories of him trying to eat all of these crakers likea crazy man. ha Ha ha if you are reading this that is for you. You nut. Love you long time..... @]~~~~FOR YOU OF COURSE! Current mood:  confused.Current music: I turn to you. Melanie C. Winters are Blue, summers are yellow. The grass is green, the sky is high. World is round, God is real. Wood burns, water flows. Atlantis once exsisted, Noah's Ark once sailed. Dinosauars use to roam , Indians use to own their own land. Cats are no longer gods, dogs are no longer free. Children are no longer nice, Parents just don't give enough advice. Blacks can now sit in the front of a bus. Mexicans sneaking on the bus from the back. Indians still praise cow shit. Russians are still always drunk. So when do you think that gays will be OK. Current mood:  weird.Current music: Science Fictional Jazz Vol. 2 --- Set Me Free. Well today was just my blah day. Nothing major happened at all. me and Iain went and dropped off Stanly at Club Tan so he could go tan his body. i really do not know what that boy is tanning, I mean he is Asian. iain on the other hnad needs to be going more often. But hey it is all good in the hood. Then I took Iain to his parents house so he could get his conversation on with his parents and pick up a few things as well. So I just satin the driveway and listen to this woman bitch left and right. I mean this woman could not have been any harder on this poor kid. All I have to say is " HOW RUDE" that one was for you Shawn. So then we went back to Club Tan where Stanly was supose to be ready for use to pick him up so we could go back home. So I went inside and asked Ian ( Ian the door man from the club) if he was ready, and he told me that he just got in. I said oh how predictable. Ian then asked me if we wanted to tan. i said yah I will but I do not think Iain will do it. I an said well why not. I said he does not want to come in here. Ian is all like tell him to get over it. So i went and got Iain to come in and him and i went and tanned also. then I was done, and we were all ready to go and we went outside and we talked for ever. it felt like a million years. But it was kewl, we talked about some bizare shit. Like Rocky mountain Oysters. how gross is that? Oh by the way i got a really nice tan. So finally we went home and when we pulled into the lot to park. I noticed Shawns car parked. that made me so giddy. So i went inside and I could that who ever was here was out on the patio. So when I went out there it was Shawn (the hottie) and Cara. That just made my night I was in a really cranky mood all day long. But when I saw Shawn and Cara Out on my patio that just made my whole night worth waking up that day. So yah for Shawn and Cara For making a gay guy happy. let me tell you guys about this girl Cara, she is is the type of girl you copuld could kick it with from now and till the day you die, which with here will probably be until you are like 90 years old, and never ever get sick of her. she has the personality that most people dream for, she can deffinetly take your frown and turn it upside down into the biggest smile that you could imagine. and when you have here and Shawn together they are just a match made in heaven. Being with friends that have been friends all of their lives is a blast. Cause of the genuine stories that you will hear, and the feeling that you feel from their fond memories, it just like gets you in the heart and you can just laugh, cry or just fell like you are there while they are telling the story. So Yah for Cara for being a kick ass Girl That is still a Virgin. So also then Iain and I made Ericka, Stanly, Cara, Shawn, and ourselfes dinner. We made toasted garlic bread, pasta noodles with sause, and milk to prevent from getting osteperosis later in life. Ha Ha Ha. so that went great then chilled outside and talked foreveron the patio. they so far are deffinetly my favorite guests to have over at my house. No ofense to anyone else that comes over here, but just being honest, every one has the on part in my life that is theirs. then they left and i finally got o say the rest of what I have wanted to say to the one guy that means something to me, and it felt great, it was one of the hardest things to ever do, I hada very hard time doing what i said but hey I did, he took it they way I hopes it did, well at least I hope so, and i just aaaaaaawhhhhhhhhh fell so damn good, that i do not know what could make me happier. Well him being with me, but hey lets not get to carried away now. Well to all you kit kats that are reading this mumbo jumbo, I am getting tired and have cramps in my leg from sitting on my nicely stained carpet. So i must exit my self from this tunnel of blindness from the computer..... When there is a will there is a way...you better believe it. Current mood:  ecstatic.Current music: SONIQUE******** SKY. I was determined that i was going to go and look for a job today and be some what productive, but nope. Of course that did not happen. I did not go to bed until 9:00 a.m. So there went my day. there is always tomorrow and the next and so on. I had one of the most embarrissing dreams last night. when I first moved here I met this guy and we would always talk to each other on the computer and so on. Well he knew I had a web cam and hes asked if i would send him a bad video of my doing you know stuff. Well it took me a while but for some odd strange reason I did it. And in this dream he was screwing around on his computer and some how was looking at this video and accidentlly sent it out to every one that had the internet. And it was played all over the news and everywhere that there was a screen to put it on. i woke up in a bad mood this morning cause it was on of the dreams where you think that is really happened. So I was mad at him, and i realized that it was all just a very horrible dream. I do not regret making that video he seemed to like it and I loved the one he sent of me. pretty damn sexy. Do you think if you just pray really hard in life that things just might come true. I sure hope so cause I have been praying for a rug doctor for a while now and nothing is happening. brand new carpet and it looks like 6 different shades of gray. Who ever knows what a black and tan is i will get you drunk this Thursday. So hurry cause I want to get my drink on. Current mood:  embarrassed.Current music: BOB DYLAN. Bottled up inside And the words I never said, The feelings that I hide, The lines you never read. You can see it in my eyes, Read it on my face: Trapped inside are lies of the past I can't replace. With memories that linger- Won't seem to go away Why can't I be happier? Today's a brand-new day Yesterday are over, Even though the hurting's not. Nothing lasts forever, I must cherish what I've got. don't take my love for granted, For soon it will be gone- All you ever wanted Of the love you thought you'd won. The hurt that I am felling now Won't disappear overnight, But someway, somehow, Everything will turn out alright, No more wishing for the past It wasn't meant to be It didn't seem to last, So I have to set him free......??? Current mood:  artistic.Current music: Bob Dylon. I was determined that i was going to go and look for a job today and be some what productive, but nope. Of course that did not happen. I did not go to bed until 9:00 a.m. So there went my day. there is always tomorrow and the next and so on. I had one of the most embarrissing dreams last night. when I first moved here I met this guy and we would always talk to each other on the computer and so on. Well he knew I had a web cam and hes asked if i would send him a bad video of my doing you know stuff. Well it took me a while but for some odd strange reason I did it. And in this dream he was screwing around on his computer and some how was looking at this video and accidentlly sent it out to every one that had the internet. And it was played all over the news and everywhere that there was a screen to put it on. i woke up in a bad mood this morning cause it was on of the dreams where you think that is really happened. So I was mad at him, and i realized that it was all just a very horrible dream. I do not regret making that video he seemed to like it and I loved the one he sent of me. pretty damn sexy. Do you think if you just pray really hard in life that things just might come true. I sure hope so cause I have been praying for a rug doctor for a while now and nothing is happening. brand new carpet and it looks like 6 different shades of gray. Who ever knows what a black and tan is i will get you drunk this Thursday. So hurry cause I want to get my drink on. Current mood: embarrassed.Current music: Aqua-- Cartoon heros. Well the weekdend is finally over. Now I can take a step back and look at the damage that I did. See where all the regrets may lay. Pretty sad that I have regrets in my life, but don't we all. Actually I have done a lot better this weekend. I have steped away from the fake illusion labels of being a slut from the club. Oh well, I am just trying to have fun in my life with out causing any of my friends to look down at me or degrate me in any way. If they do then say fuck it Chuck. On to the next. So this is the begining of the week, and yes I am jobless. This makes my self esteem go down. I feel incompatent and stripped of all responsabilities. Has me worried on where this cash is going to come from. I am getting tired of this rocky road of confusions wheter my life is going to go good or bad for me. I would instead want a balanced structured life, with of course lots of fun all over. So being as it is Monday I am going to go and look for a new job. I would like to keep my apartment, so then I can still have drinking parties over here. Which I love to do becuase I can finally admit that I am a raging alcoholic. We all know why that is cause we all have problems in our lives, me they are non stop and out of control, so I drink to take a trip away from reality and then wake up lying on the bathroom floor with my hand hangingover the edge in the toliet. Oh my goddess in incognito. Then there is my current husband Mr. Captin Jack, and all of his disciples. I have new roomates now. Well actually only one his name is Stan. my favorite place use to be my bathroom in this whole house, but now it is the center of costmetic hell. There is also Iain he just never goes home, which is kewl to don;t get me wrong. he might as well just move on in here. Stan and I have had a few moments where we could just kill each other. But lately is has been going smoothly. Which makes me feel a whoile hell of a lot better. but it is totally kewl to have people that like to stay up late with me, cause with my other roomate Ericka our schedules really were not compatable. So I have more fun now. So I am now going to take the steps that it will take me to get over Shawn. It is a chase after a lost cause. but yet I still constinetly get stonger feelings for this man. Which is just frustrating me. the worst feeling to have for me right now is pissing off my roomates, but what takes the cake is seeing the man that is everything for me making out with selective people in front of me at the club. Call jealousy, or hurt eyes, but it just makes me sick insaide. So I am now going to do things to get over him. Which a road from hell. It is not like everyday that the man of your dreams with everything that you are looking for comes into your life. So advise drink a case of beer and take a puff puff and crash on the bathroom floor. It is what takes my deppression away from the norm of the world. As the world turns we all find inspiration in something comforting. Current mood:  jealous.
Well the weekdend is finally over. Now I can take a step back and look at the damage that I did. See where all the regrets lay. Pretty sad that I have regrets in my life( lots, but don't we all. Actually I have done a lot better this weekend. I have steped away from the fake illusion labels of being a slut from the club. Oh well, I am just trying to have fun in my life with out causing any of my friends to look down at me or degrate me in any way. So this is the begining of the week, and yes I am jobless. This makes my self esteem go down. I feel incompatent and stripped of all responsabilities. Has me worries on where this positive cash flow is going to come from. I am getting tired of this rocky road of confusions wheter my life is going to go good for me or bad. I would instead want a balanced structured life, with of course lots of fun all over. So being as it is Monday I am going to go and look for a new job. i would like to keep my apartment, so then I can still have drinking parties over here. Which I love to do becuase I can finally admit that I am a raging alcoholic. We all know why that is cause we all have problems in our lives, me they are non stop and out of control, so I drink to take a trip away from reality and then wake up lying in the bathroom with my hand hanging in the toliet. Oh my goodess in incognito. Then there is my current husband Mr. Captin Jack, and all of his disciples. I have new roomates no. Well actually only one his name is Stan. there is also Iain he just never goes home, which is kewl to don;t get me wrong. he might as well just move on in here. Stan and I have had a few moments where we could just kill each other. But lately is has been going smoothly. Which makes me feel a whoile hell of a lot better. but it is totally kewl to have people that like to stay up late with me, cause with my other roomate Ericka our schedules really were not compatable. So I have more fun now. So I am now going to take the steps that it will take me to get over Shawn. It is a chase after a lost cause. but yet I still constinetly get stonger feelings for this man. Which is just frustrating me. the worst feeling to have for me right now is pissing off my roomates, but what takes the cake is seeing the man that is everything for me making out with selective people in front of me at the club. Call jealousy, or hurt eyes, but it just makes me sick insaide. So I am now going to do things to get over him. Which a road from hell. It is not like everyday that the man of your dreams with everything that you are looking for comes into your life. So advise drink a case of beer and take a puff puff and crash on the bathroom floor. It is what takes my deppression away from the norm of the world. Current mood:  numb.Current music: Dirty Pop ***** N*Sync. Well the weekend is finally over.I am having a very hard time feeling any sensation in my body. to many drugs that is for sure. Now I can take a step back and look at the damage that I did. See where all the regrets lay. Pretty sad that I have regrets in my life( lots, but don't we all. Actually I have done a lot better this weekend. I have stepped away from the fake illusion labels of being a slut from the club. Oh well, I am just trying to have fun in my life with out causing any of my friends to look down at me or de grate me in any way. So this is the beginning of the week, and yes I am jobless. This makes my self esteem go down. I feel incompetent and stripped of all responsibilities. Has me worries on where this positive cash flow is going to come from. I am getting tired of this rocky road of confusions whether my life is going to go good for me or bad. I would instead want a balanced structured life, with of course lots of fun all over. So being as it is Monday I am going to go and look for a new job. i would like to keep my apartment, so then I can still have drinking parties over here. Which I love to do because I can finally admit that I am a raging alcoholic. We all know why that is cause we all have problems in our lives, me they are non stop and out of control, so I drink to take a trip away from reality and then wake up lying in the bathroom with my hand hanging in the toilet. Oh my goddess in incognito. Then there is my current husband Mr. Captain Jack, and all of his disciples. I have new roommates no. Well actually only one his name is Stan. there is also Iain he just never goes home, which is kewl to don;t get me wrong. he might as well just move on in here. Stan and I have had a few moments where we could just kill each other. But lately is has been going smoothly. Which makes me feel a whole hell of a lot better. but it is totally kewl to have people that like to stay up late with me, cause with my other roommate Ericka our schedules really were not compatable. So I have more fun now. So I am now going to take the steps that it will take me to get over Shawn. It is a chase after a lost cause. but yet I still constantly get stronger feelings for this man. Which is just frustrating me. the worst feeling to have for me right now is pissing off my roommates, but what takes the cake is seeing the man that is everything for me making out with selective people in front of me at the club. Call jealousy, or hurt eyes, but it just makes me sick inside. So I am now going to do things to get over him. Which a road from hell. It is not like everyday that the man of your dreams with everything that you are looking for comes into your life. So advise drink a case of beer and take a puff puff and crash on the bathroom floor. It is what takes my depression away from the norm of the world. Current mood: Num. Current music: Zipidy Do Da. |
|||||||
|
|
|
|||||